Feedback and New Scene Outline

Feedback:

After pitching our idea we received various feedback to improve and fix a few elements to the opening sequences:

• The girl should be dead , in order to avoid the stereotype of a girl being drugged up. We decided that the girl will be the man’s dead sister, which he has dug up from a grave

• We have removed the teddy bear and the shots of the clock ticking.One of the points was to show more parts of her getting ready instead of just the face. E.g. nails painted, corset being tied.

• We were also told that the man should show more affection towards the girl. More care and love like a brother and sister relationship.

• Additionally, the needle of the record player should hit the end of run. 

New Scene Outline:

•       Sink, water coming out

•       Brushing teeth

•       Dribble it out

•       Hair in sink, mud washing out

•       Pan of dressing table 

•       Eyelashes being curled

•       Hair Dryer blowing hair

•       Eyeliner being put on 

•       Mascara being put on

•       Record player

•       Brushing dirt of nails

•       Brush hitting powder

•       Powder putting on girl

•       Lip stick being taken out

•       Lip stick being put on lips

•       Dress/corset being tightened

•       Brushing of hair

•       Needle of record hits the end

•       Nails being painting  

•       Curling hair

•       Mans hand record being turned off 

•       Picking up leather gloves

•       Cotton swab cleaning dirt of toe nails

•       Leather gloves being put on by man

•       Girls blue feet shown.

•       Man walks out

•       Black out.

The parts highlighted in gold are the addition and changes we have made to the original scene outline